It’s the end of the month. Who’s dropping those last few EntreCards in the next couple of hours before they can’t benefit to others by dropping?
Who is joining Nablopomo for September?

Sadly, I won’t be re-joining Nablopomo for September. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be updating this blog as often as I have time, but I am falling behind on my school work (think: I have done zero homework assignments, and I just learned today what I should have learned on Friday) and I cannot and will not sacrifice my school work for what should be a small part of my life. IE: this site. All my sites/accounts, actually. The internet should be a small part of my life, but I’ve been updating sites, journals, emailing, posting, and I shouldn’t be.

So…

See you in a week! <3 Or whenever I get around to posting. I’m still going to be active on EntreCard, Jacy White is still telling me they have commented on my pictures, and I’m still sick. I will get better. I promise.

So why was today a bad day?

It started off that I knew today was going to be bad. We had a math exam in apothecary and I had more than one “Oh crap…” moments. I always have them during tests. There’s always something on everything that I don’t know and have to take a shot in the dark over. For me, this was several of the problems, and you can’t guess on a math test where you have to work out the problems. As the professor said, either you know this stuff or you don’t. I hope I got a 75 or higher. Just let me pass. That’s all I want.

Before the test, I was faced with two doctor visits, neither of them were my own. The first was for my husband. He had an MRI, and had to be held down to get the needle for the iodine dye. The results were fairly bad. He needs surgery and more meds. His liver is producing enzymes at an alarming rate. This didn’t go well in the exam room. The doctor said with just medication Dennis would live about eighteen months. That’s a little over a year and a half. With surgery and meds, that could be extended about five years. Dennis cried over this. Then I cried. Then we both cried because our daughter was waiting in nuclear medicine and we hadn’t gone back to get her. She was the next to go through the MRI machine.

Pogo’s MRI was the worse of the two. Test results show the cancer has spread throughout her body -lungs, liver, spleen, scapula, and left leg. Doc Dan said he was sorry, he wished there was something he could do. Despite him saying that, I asked if there was anything we could do. He told me to make the best of what time we have left together as a family.

With all of that weighing down on me, I went to school and took a math exam and still expect myself to do good on it. If that’s not proof I hate myself, I don’t know what is.

This is why my faith is shaken and my mind is cloudy. This is why I look towards the starless, dreary sky tonight and see nothing but clouds and cold weather. This is why I was hard on myself; if I’m the meaner person to me, I can’t be hurt when life kicks me.

I need a hug. Any offers?

Massive web hoaxes of fake illnesses pop up in mid-October.

Now do my suspicions seem more validated? I didn’t just claim what I claimed without rhyme or reason. I was at the peak of taking medication that causes amnesia and I didn’t bookmark that page. Things happened, but I knew I didn’t hallucinate it.

Oh well.

I’ve moved on, right?

I have a test in less than two hours. I need to get my butt on the road and get there. I still need to get dressed and organise my papers, never mind take a pee, water the babies and get my mind set for this.

Driving home, the road throughout the University was iced, and I slipped and slid all the way. I hit the curb while waiting for my turn in line at the stop sign. I drove 25mph on the freeway home. I hit three street signs. I ran over someone’s coat out on the road. I couldn’t pull the hill and had to call Dennis to come and get me. He’d gone and gotten the kids before I even left for school. My numbness has turned into tingles. I should go to the doctor tomorrow and get x-rays; I may have a hurt wrist.

Right now, the ground, roads and the sky are a deep periwinkle blue, and all is silent. Nothing is moving except the wind. I hope we don’t lose power.

Ok, I’m going to go relax with my lunch, that I didn’t get to eat, watch The Simpsons, take a pain pill for my wrist, and fantasize about Wil Wheaton eating cheese burgers or whatever it is that I do for fun in my head.

I’ve written my paper that is due on Thursday three times since I threw it together on Wednesday night. I must be a good writer because the two people who have proof read my paper tell me that they could tell that I put a lot of work into it. Um, no. I just love writing, and I cranked it out in a two-hour span the night before the first person read it. I don’t even think it’s my greatest work.

I realise that I’m behind in my emails and stuff. I know some people want to continue to “talk”, but right now I’m passing blood (not my period), I have an ear infection, and I have this damned paper I have to write. I hate writing papers for school. But after that, I should be able to catch up on emails and other things. Right now, I have to focus on my school work and getting well. That’s the important part.